First and foremost, I’m glad you’re here.
I hope this newsletter is helpful to you, and if not for you, maybe someone else, a friend, that you know and love.
Think boundaries, Imagine fences.
Fences are good for a number of things: they are a physical barrier that prevents entering and exiting, they note property lines that separates one piece of land from another, and they signals an intent of “do not enter my yard without permission.” The boundaries in our relationships aim to accomplish similar goals
What happens when there are no personal boundaries?
· You allow others to make decisions on your behalf.
· You say ‘yes’ when you want to say ‘no’.
· You justify how you feel by how others treat you.
· You don’t stand up in situations that make you uncomfortable
Here are clients’ stories as examples (permission granted).
One powerful woman who is on the path of personal growth , a woman who can get stuff done, who is fighting for social/climate/ and other social changes. Is finding it real difficult to demand of a family member who has been living rent free in her basement with no end in sight, to move on or start paying rent because, as she explained : “that would not be very compassionate thing to do”
A client who couldn’t tell her ex husband that he is no longer welcome to her house, because she felt she was not showing enough “forgiveness” towards him.
These stories are all true. People who are having a “ hard time saying no” “it doesn’t work for me” “time to say goodbye” “this is how I prefer to have it” “I choose not to do it” “no fucking way”.
You can fight for the world, you can fight for your children, but how much harder it is sometimes to fight for yourself, to say no thank you, this is how far I am willing to go.
Your Body Always Knows
Pay attention to your body.
You know that warm, fuzzy feeling you get when the person or animal you love most snuggles close to you? That’s your body letting you know you feel okay with such closeness.
In contrast, when you experience a tight feeling in your stomach/throat/chest and your breathing becomes shallow whenever that particular person drops around without notice, or asks you to do something unreasonable, this is your body telling you that you are not okay with the situation.
In Beyond Trauma, we work with boundaries through mindbody practices on the physical, emotional and the relational levels.
The tools of moving, imagining, breathings, sensing, feelings are building your ability to sense, identify, and stay connected to your boundaries.
Transforming Wounds into Wisdom